Grouchy Angst. Hmph.
Apr. 18th, 2002 01:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elfie_chanWHY did Hotmail change its format again?! MSN, WHY, OH WHY, DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?! *sighs* It's like they make it more and more inconvenient on purpose.
I don't usually get angsty, but I'm feeling darned angsty tonight. This is strange, because I had a good time with some friends of mine, kicking back, watching Slayers, etc. I got to meet my spiffy net-friend, Marky. I got to spend time with Amy-chan, who I miss often. However, I am still angsty.
Before you truly enter the angst, please know that I am not angsting at or about anyone in particular. I am angsting about my life in general. Any resemblance to persons living, dead, or undead is purely coincidental.
I think much of the angst must spring from the fact that I'm feeling really stressed right now. I'm trying to go to school, work at a job that appears to be going down the tubes (it's a good job, and the pay's decent, but everybody's hours are being cut a lot), figure out what I want to do with my life, plan for my wedding, spend time with my family and friends, spend time with my fiancee', AND do homework. Besides that, I keep saying that I'm going to do things for my friends. I don't know what to do. I don't get enough sleep as it is, and I feel like I'm not doing enough. When I don't get things done for my friends because I have to do homework and things, or because my creative juices are flowing in a different direction (mainly toward my Short Story class), I feel like I've let them down somehow. I miss my family; I hardly ever get to see them. It seems like I'm always out somewhere, doing something else. I hate feeling this helpless and out of control. Pray for me, please?
So...anybody who's even thinking about it, no more commissions for now, no more art requests. Those who already have requests in will get them, but it may be a while so I can work all of this out.
I've also learned something: I hate being told what to do. This probably isn't that great a thing, but there it is. I get defensive and annoyed because I do things my way, and I like doing things my way, even if it isn't the best or most efficient way. I can't please everybody, so I might as well please myself, right? *sighs* But that doesn't work, either. I WANT to please everybody. I want everybody to be happy. Lately, though, I've been realizing that I CAN'T make everybody happy, no matter how hard I try. This seriously bums me out. It may seem like an unrealistic goal in the first place, but that's how I am. Unfortunately, not liking to take orders does not bode well for my future as a good company graphic designer who gets a good paycheck and good company benefits...*sigh* And I have homework due soon. Bleh. I'm also behind on my e-mails...my friends must think that I've fallen off the face of the earth. ;_;
I'm also a little tired of being seen as "the happy one." I AM happy most of the time, don't get me wrong, and I love being that way. I certainly don't want to be seen as "the angsty one" or "the sad one" or "the annoying one" or "the angry one." But there's more to me than that. I'm not a one-dimensional person who can be put in a box! However, when I show another side of myself (like that teeny tiny angsty side), some people tend to get disturbed and pull away--they don't know how to deal with it. When I get upset...I tend to hide it so that people won't be disturbed, especially when it's stuff like this. It's not anything people can help me with, so why bother them? So, instead, I bug the entire internet population who reads my LJ. Hrm, that's so logical. ^_^;;
This kind of life is a little lonesome. Thank God for my close friends and for Alex and for my family--they help pull me through my occasional rough spot. Also, thank God for...well, God. I've been feeling a little down about not spending enough time reading my Bible and stuff lately, either. *sighs* Probably getting some sleep would help, too, but I'm too worked up to sleep. -_-;;
I think that's all I wanted to say about that. Thanks for reading through the angst. I hate complaining, but sometimes, it does help me to feel better. On to a happier subject: The Ohmi (pronounced "Oh-mee") Story.
Ohmi's coming right along. I'll probably use the beginning of her story as my final project in my Short Story writing class. She now has a potential friend named Jor, who is the Keeper of the Maps. Pretty cool, ne? I like 'im. He wears glasses. ^_^
It upsets me that I'm not able to be as creative as I'd like. My webpage remains dormant. My novel series remains dormant, also, though that may go through a revival soon. Plus, there are other creative endeavors that I want to help with--but I don't have time! There is one that I'm committed to for sure, but I don't know when I'll be able to work on it. *cries* I'd really like to not have so many commitments, but I do it to myself! Sorry, angsting again. "Baaaah," says Frank the Goat. "Baaaaah," says Elfie the Small One.
Things will look better in the morning, I know. They always do. I shall now take a quiz to cheer myself up, as it is very late and I should go to bed to sleep off my angst.
Find your emotion! [?]
I think that, if I were having a happier/less tired day, that I would get "Joy" or something like that. But contentment is good. ^_^
Have I mentioned that I hate pop-up windows? One more quiz:
For some reason, this result makes me feel much less angsty. The Shire seems like it would be a good place to be right now. Life seems simpler there, plus I'm almost short enough to be a hobbit! ^_^ ...However, I'm not against big cities. I'll have to take the quiz again when I'm hyper. *nodnods*
Well, just one more quiz...and then I'll go to bed.
To be perfectly honest, this makes me feel even better...I'd like to think that I'm fiesty, independent, and daring...and though I try not to run from my problems, sometimes I feel like doing so. And I am easily tricked...not as much as I used to be, but still...it upsets me that people would want to trick me in the first place!
Okay, it's time for Elfie to go beddy-bye. Thank you for being here with me and reading through all the stuff I've posted. Take care, all. *snugs*
Good Night, Everybody. Sleep Tight. God Bless.
I don't usually get angsty, but I'm feeling darned angsty tonight. This is strange, because I had a good time with some friends of mine, kicking back, watching Slayers, etc. I got to meet my spiffy net-friend, Marky. I got to spend time with Amy-chan, who I miss often. However, I am still angsty.
Before you truly enter the angst, please know that I am not angsting at or about anyone in particular. I am angsting about my life in general. Any resemblance to persons living, dead, or undead is purely coincidental.
I think much of the angst must spring from the fact that I'm feeling really stressed right now. I'm trying to go to school, work at a job that appears to be going down the tubes (it's a good job, and the pay's decent, but everybody's hours are being cut a lot), figure out what I want to do with my life, plan for my wedding, spend time with my family and friends, spend time with my fiancee', AND do homework. Besides that, I keep saying that I'm going to do things for my friends. I don't know what to do. I don't get enough sleep as it is, and I feel like I'm not doing enough. When I don't get things done for my friends because I have to do homework and things, or because my creative juices are flowing in a different direction (mainly toward my Short Story class), I feel like I've let them down somehow. I miss my family; I hardly ever get to see them. It seems like I'm always out somewhere, doing something else. I hate feeling this helpless and out of control. Pray for me, please?
So...anybody who's even thinking about it, no more commissions for now, no more art requests. Those who already have requests in will get them, but it may be a while so I can work all of this out.
I've also learned something: I hate being told what to do. This probably isn't that great a thing, but there it is. I get defensive and annoyed because I do things my way, and I like doing things my way, even if it isn't the best or most efficient way. I can't please everybody, so I might as well please myself, right? *sighs* But that doesn't work, either. I WANT to please everybody. I want everybody to be happy. Lately, though, I've been realizing that I CAN'T make everybody happy, no matter how hard I try. This seriously bums me out. It may seem like an unrealistic goal in the first place, but that's how I am. Unfortunately, not liking to take orders does not bode well for my future as a good company graphic designer who gets a good paycheck and good company benefits...*sigh* And I have homework due soon. Bleh. I'm also behind on my e-mails...my friends must think that I've fallen off the face of the earth. ;_;
I'm also a little tired of being seen as "the happy one." I AM happy most of the time, don't get me wrong, and I love being that way. I certainly don't want to be seen as "the angsty one" or "the sad one" or "the annoying one" or "the angry one." But there's more to me than that. I'm not a one-dimensional person who can be put in a box! However, when I show another side of myself (like that teeny tiny angsty side), some people tend to get disturbed and pull away--they don't know how to deal with it. When I get upset...I tend to hide it so that people won't be disturbed, especially when it's stuff like this. It's not anything people can help me with, so why bother them? So, instead, I bug the entire internet population who reads my LJ. Hrm, that's so logical. ^_^;;
This kind of life is a little lonesome. Thank God for my close friends and for Alex and for my family--they help pull me through my occasional rough spot. Also, thank God for...well, God. I've been feeling a little down about not spending enough time reading my Bible and stuff lately, either. *sighs* Probably getting some sleep would help, too, but I'm too worked up to sleep. -_-;;
I think that's all I wanted to say about that. Thanks for reading through the angst. I hate complaining, but sometimes, it does help me to feel better. On to a happier subject: The Ohmi (pronounced "Oh-mee") Story.
Ohmi's coming right along. I'll probably use the beginning of her story as my final project in my Short Story writing class. She now has a potential friend named Jor, who is the Keeper of the Maps. Pretty cool, ne? I like 'im. He wears glasses. ^_^
It upsets me that I'm not able to be as creative as I'd like. My webpage remains dormant. My novel series remains dormant, also, though that may go through a revival soon. Plus, there are other creative endeavors that I want to help with--but I don't have time! There is one that I'm committed to for sure, but I don't know when I'll be able to work on it. *cries* I'd really like to not have so many commitments, but I do it to myself! Sorry, angsting again. "Baaaah," says Frank the Goat. "Baaaaah," says Elfie the Small One.
Things will look better in the morning, I know. They always do. I shall now take a quiz to cheer myself up, as it is very late and I should go to bed to sleep off my angst.
Find your emotion! [?]
I think that, if I were having a happier/less tired day, that I would get "Joy" or something like that. But contentment is good. ^_^
Have I mentioned that I hate pop-up windows? One more quiz:
 If I lived in Middle-Earth, it would be in: The Shire The rolling green hills, the springtime weather, and especially being surrounded by the ones you love makes the Shire a comfortable area for you. You love being surrounded only by the ones you care about, and you only desire this in an environment that is vast and open to nature, unlike in the cities or the caves.
|
For some reason, this result makes me feel much less angsty. The Shire seems like it would be a good place to be right now. Life seems simpler there, plus I'm almost short enough to be a hobbit! ^_^ ...However, I'm not against big cities. I'll have to take the quiz again when I'm hyper. *nodnods*
Well, just one more quiz...and then I'll go to bed.
You are one of the first Disney princesses to stand up for her rights as a woman. While you may NOT be a prize to be won, you are still quite the hottie, especially in that red harem girl outfit. Even when things may not seem the best at home, try to remember that running away from your problems solves little. You are easily tricked and manipulated, both by your enemies and people who love you. You have a special fondness for tigers.
Which of the Disney Princesses are you?
To be perfectly honest, this makes me feel even better...I'd like to think that I'm fiesty, independent, and daring...and though I try not to run from my problems, sometimes I feel like doing so. And I am easily tricked...not as much as I used to be, but still...it upsets me that people would want to trick me in the first place!
Okay, it's time for Elfie to go beddy-bye. Thank you for being here with me and reading through all the stuff I've posted. Take care, all. *snugs*
Good Night, Everybody. Sleep Tight. God Bless.
