Slightly Shorter New Year's Entry
Jan. 1st, 2003 06:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elfie_chan*SLAUGHTERS LIVEJOURNAL*
I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. I typed in this fantastic, wonderful, long New Year's Day post, and Livejournal ATE IT. And then I took it out on Alex. Great. Just great.
This has not been the best day of my life. I've been cranky and depressed all day, and I don't know why. I don't know what I want or how to make it better. I think what I really want is to curl up with Alex and cry for a while. But then he'd worry about me, and I don't know how to tell him what's wrong, because I don't KNOW what's wrong. I just get so frustrated when things don't work out the way I want.
In any case, here's the gist of the original entry:
**********************************************************
Happy New Year, everyone! May this year be filled with peace, joy, and blessings for you all!
New Year's Day tends to make me feel rather...introspective, and this particular New Year's Day tugs at my thoughts more than any other. This coming year will be a year of changes. Alex and I will be getting married in March. I will be moving away from home for the first time. I'm starting to move away from college and toward getting a full-time job (at least for this term). I'm starting to think even more seriously about where I want to go in life and what I want to do.
This holiday season has been...strange. So many things came up at the last minute, and very little went as planned. Christmas felt to crowded and busy, and I felt like there was nothing I could do about it. In some ways, I miss having the holidays with just my family (Alex counts as family), but I realize that thse changes are part of the inevitable. We all grow up. Alex and I will have to decide how to arrange our holidays between two families. I think I would like to take the advice of a friend of mine--she arranges to spend time with both sets of relatives about a week before Christmas, and then she spends the holidays quietly with her own family. I miss quiet holidays. Christmas was so hectic this year.
Now, I don't want people to think that I didn't enjoy Christmas. I did! Christmas Eve, in particular, was a lot of fun. We went to the Christmas Eve service at the church, which is always neat. I do miss one thing about it, though--before we moved our services into the new sanctuary, we had a dradition where each person who came to the Christmas Eve service was given a small candle. At the end of the service, all the lights went out except for one candle at the front. The pastor would light his candle, and then he would light the candles of the people nearest him. Those people would then light the candles of the people next to them, and so on, until every person's candle was lit. It was amazing how bright the sanctuary was after we lit all the candles. That little ritual always inspired me--it made me think of how one good deed, no matter how small, can spread and light up so many lives.
Since we've moved into the new sanctuary, however, we haven't done the candle-lighting ceremony. I don't know why. We did it when the sanctuary was being built, before we officially moved in. We even did the candle-lighting in the sanctuary when it was nothing but bare beams and loose wiring. Why did we stop? Was it time constraints? Are people worried about dripping wax on the new carpet? Is it a fire hazard to let each person hold his/her own candle? I don't know. It was never explained to me. If it's not a fire hazard, it seems to me that a few wax spots on the carpet would be worth the beauty of all those individual candles. After all, the entire sanctuary is still decorated with candles during the Christmas Eve service. Those candles may be dripless and shielded or something, but still...it doesn't seem right. It feels like something's missing.
In any case, the Christmas Eve service as still beautiful. After the service, we (my family, Alex, Stephanie (my brother's girlfriend) and I) went back to my house. We each opened one present. Then Alex and I went over to his parents' new house and opened presents there with Alex's parents, his sister Marina, and her fiancee' Andy. That was fun. I really like my future in-laws. It was also fun to see presents addressed "to Alex and Amy." My grandma and aunt and uncle came up from California a week or so ago, and the addressed their presents the same way. It's just a little thing, but seeing that makes me feel good--like we're really accepted as a couple. Not that I had any doubts to start with.
When we could tear ourselves away, Alex and I went back to my house. Everybody was still up, so we all sat around the Christmas tree and opened the rest of the presents. (Thank you everyone!) Everyone enjoyed their presents, and then it was bedtime.
On Christmas Day, we had stockings and a good breakfast. (I p8t a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi Blue in my brother's stocking. Hee!) Then we all kinda relaxed until dinnertime, when we all (sans Stephanie and Josh) went over to Alex's parents' house for dinner. That was fun, too. After dinner, we sat around and talked for a while, and then we went home.
*************************************************************
I had an immensely profound point to make here, but I've forgotten what it was. I think it had something to do with how each new year brings changes, but change is not something to be afraid of, but challenged and embraced. I'm looking forward to all of the adventure that this next year is going to bring into my life and into Alex's life. Dinner's almost ready, and life is getting better. Take care, everyone, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. I typed in this fantastic, wonderful, long New Year's Day post, and Livejournal ATE IT. And then I took it out on Alex. Great. Just great.
This has not been the best day of my life. I've been cranky and depressed all day, and I don't know why. I don't know what I want or how to make it better. I think what I really want is to curl up with Alex and cry for a while. But then he'd worry about me, and I don't know how to tell him what's wrong, because I don't KNOW what's wrong. I just get so frustrated when things don't work out the way I want.
In any case, here's the gist of the original entry:
**********************************************************
Happy New Year, everyone! May this year be filled with peace, joy, and blessings for you all!
New Year's Day tends to make me feel rather...introspective, and this particular New Year's Day tugs at my thoughts more than any other. This coming year will be a year of changes. Alex and I will be getting married in March. I will be moving away from home for the first time. I'm starting to move away from college and toward getting a full-time job (at least for this term). I'm starting to think even more seriously about where I want to go in life and what I want to do.
This holiday season has been...strange. So many things came up at the last minute, and very little went as planned. Christmas felt to crowded and busy, and I felt like there was nothing I could do about it. In some ways, I miss having the holidays with just my family (Alex counts as family), but I realize that thse changes are part of the inevitable. We all grow up. Alex and I will have to decide how to arrange our holidays between two families. I think I would like to take the advice of a friend of mine--she arranges to spend time with both sets of relatives about a week before Christmas, and then she spends the holidays quietly with her own family. I miss quiet holidays. Christmas was so hectic this year.
Now, I don't want people to think that I didn't enjoy Christmas. I did! Christmas Eve, in particular, was a lot of fun. We went to the Christmas Eve service at the church, which is always neat. I do miss one thing about it, though--before we moved our services into the new sanctuary, we had a dradition where each person who came to the Christmas Eve service was given a small candle. At the end of the service, all the lights went out except for one candle at the front. The pastor would light his candle, and then he would light the candles of the people nearest him. Those people would then light the candles of the people next to them, and so on, until every person's candle was lit. It was amazing how bright the sanctuary was after we lit all the candles. That little ritual always inspired me--it made me think of how one good deed, no matter how small, can spread and light up so many lives.
Since we've moved into the new sanctuary, however, we haven't done the candle-lighting ceremony. I don't know why. We did it when the sanctuary was being built, before we officially moved in. We even did the candle-lighting in the sanctuary when it was nothing but bare beams and loose wiring. Why did we stop? Was it time constraints? Are people worried about dripping wax on the new carpet? Is it a fire hazard to let each person hold his/her own candle? I don't know. It was never explained to me. If it's not a fire hazard, it seems to me that a few wax spots on the carpet would be worth the beauty of all those individual candles. After all, the entire sanctuary is still decorated with candles during the Christmas Eve service. Those candles may be dripless and shielded or something, but still...it doesn't seem right. It feels like something's missing.
In any case, the Christmas Eve service as still beautiful. After the service, we (my family, Alex, Stephanie (my brother's girlfriend) and I) went back to my house. We each opened one present. Then Alex and I went over to his parents' new house and opened presents there with Alex's parents, his sister Marina, and her fiancee' Andy. That was fun. I really like my future in-laws. It was also fun to see presents addressed "to Alex and Amy." My grandma and aunt and uncle came up from California a week or so ago, and the addressed their presents the same way. It's just a little thing, but seeing that makes me feel good--like we're really accepted as a couple. Not that I had any doubts to start with.
When we could tear ourselves away, Alex and I went back to my house. Everybody was still up, so we all sat around the Christmas tree and opened the rest of the presents. (Thank you everyone!) Everyone enjoyed their presents, and then it was bedtime.
On Christmas Day, we had stockings and a good breakfast. (I p8t a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi Blue in my brother's stocking. Hee!) Then we all kinda relaxed until dinnertime, when we all (sans Stephanie and Josh) went over to Alex's parents' house for dinner. That was fun, too. After dinner, we sat around and talked for a while, and then we went home.
*************************************************************
I had an immensely profound point to make here, but I've forgotten what it was. I think it had something to do with how each new year brings changes, but change is not something to be afraid of, but challenged and embraced. I'm looking forward to all of the adventure that this next year is going to bring into my life and into Alex's life. Dinner's almost ready, and life is getting better. Take care, everyone, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
